Finding Your Ideal Client: A Guide for Sex and Relationship Professionals

“The key is to set realistic customer expectations, and then not to just meet them, but to exceed them—preferably in unexpected and helpful ways.” ― Richard Branson

One of the biggest mistakes professionals in sex education, relationship coaching, and clinical sexology make is trying to serve everyone. I know this because I did this and it's without a doubt, a lot of us do it because we want to reach the biggest audience possible. While inclusivity is essential, being too broad in your approach can dilute your impact and make it harder to attract the right people who truly need your services. The key to long-term success is defining and understanding your ideal client—the people who will benefit the most from what you offer and are ready to invest in your expertise.

But how do you figure out exactly who that is?

Here’s a step-by-step guide to help you identify, attract, and serve your ideal client.

Step 1: Define Your Expertise and Passion

Before you can identify your ideal client, you need to be clear on what you bring to the table.

Ask yourself:

• What areas of sexology, relationship coaching, or education light me up the most?

• Where do I have the most knowledge and experience?

• What topics do I find myself coming back to again and again?

• What gaps exist in the industry that I am uniquely positioned to fill?

By defining your niche, you can narrow your focus and attract people who are aligned with your strengths and passion.

Step 2: Analyze Your Past and Current Clients

If you’ve already worked with clients, take a deep dive into their characteristics:

• Who got the best results from working with you?

• Who did you enjoy working with the most? Who cost you less emotional labor?

• What common traits (age, gender, relationship status, sexual orientation, challenges) did they share?

• Were there any clients that felt misaligned? If so, why?

Looking at these patterns can help you create a clearer picture of your ideal client versus the ones who may not be the best fit. They may have the money to pay you, but the emotional labor is always more expensive.

Step 3: Identify Their Needs, Desires, and Pain Points

To serve your ideal client effectively, you must understand:

• What are their biggest challenges when it comes to sex, relationships, or intimacy?

• What are their desires and goals?

• What fears or hesitations do they have about seeking help?

• What kind of language do they use to describe their struggles?

One of the best ways to gather this information is through surveys, direct conversations, or by engaging with communities where your ideal clients spend time (Facebook groups, Reddit, Twitter, etc.).

Step 4: Get Clear on Their Demographics and Psychographics

Go beyond basic demographics (age, location, relationship status) and dive into psychographics—how they think, what they value, and how they make decisions.

Consider:

• Are they looking for education, coaching, therapy, or a mix of all three?

• Do they value research-backed, academic approaches, or do they prefer a more conversational and intuitive style?

• Are they willing and able to invest financially in their growth?

• How do they typically consume content? (Podcasts, blogs, videos, workshops, etc.)

The more details you gather, the more targeted your messaging can be.

Step 5: Create a Client Avatar

Now that you have a wealth of information, create a detailed profile of your ideal client. Give them a name, a story, and characteristics that make them feel real. For example:

Meet Jade:

• 38-year-old polyamorous Black woman navigating ethical non-monogamy

• Struggling with communication in her relationships

• Wants a sex-positive, culturally competent guide who understands the intersections of race and sexuality

• Prefers online workshops and self-paced courses

• Willing to invest in coaching but needs flexible payment options

This avatar can guide your marketing, messaging, and service offerings, ensuring that you speak directly to the people who need you most.

Step 6: Test and Refine

Once you’ve identified your ideal client, it’s time to put your insights into action. Start creating content, programs, or services specifically tailored to them. Pay attention to who is engaging with your work, who is converting into a paying client, and whether your assumptions hold true.

If something isn’t quite clicking, refine your avatar. Maybe your ideal client is slightly younger or older, or maybe they respond better to one service over another. Keep tweaking until you consistently attract people who resonate with your message and are excited to work with you.

Remember, this can take time, so give yourself some grace when it comes to finding that perfect client.

Step 7: Align Your Marketing and Messaging

Now that you know who you want to serve, make sure your brand speaks directly to them:

• Use the language and phrases your ideal client uses

• Address their specific pain points and desires in your marketing

• Show up where they are (social media platforms, conferences, communities, etc.)

• Share testimonials and success stories that resonate with their experiences

Your messaging should make them feel seen and understood—like you’re speaking directly to them.

Final Thoughts

Finding your ideal client isn’t just about making money—it’s about doing meaningful, transformative work with people who truly need what you offer. When you focus on serving the right people, your impact deepens, your business thrives, and your work becomes even more fulfilling.

So, take the time to get clear on who your ideal client is. Once you do, everything from your content to your client relationships will become more intentional and effective.

Who is your ideal client? Drop a comment below and let’s discuss!

Cheers to your professional sexcess!